Slushy, CPAL HQ – It has been only three days since I let the Army League community know about the FURRID-19 pandemic. Already this pandemic has spread like the butter in my Tayto sandwiches. The effects FURRID-19 has had in the span on three days have resulted in DQ’s, Shutdowns, and more. Continue reading to find out more I’M THROWING CAUTION: SATIRE AHEAD
FURRID-19 is here. Since my last post exposing Army League Head of Board and former Royals leader, Mehakk’s plan to take over and rename CPAL to the Furry Penguin Army League, This virus seems to have spiraled out of control. You may be asking, What has happened in the last few days? Are we doing our best to control the virus? Why did Kingfunks4 pick the wrong person to lead the Ice Warriors in 2014? These questions are about to be answered.
Just hours after the public was made aware of FURRID-19. The Animal Kingdom, fresh from their second-round loss to the Ice Warriors in the Legends Cup. Animal Kingdom creator, Leila announced on their discord server that the army will be shutting down, stating problems in the army’s HCOM was the reason for the end of the army founded in March. A clear rouse to distract us from the fact that FURRID-19 has gotten the better of the army. Army League reports came in that confirmed that FURRID-19 has in fact been in the army since it’s creation with the goal to become the first furry only army. I’m going to be honest here and say I feel quite foolish about not catching onto this earlier, I mean… they literally had “Animal” in the name….
The important thing right now is that while Animal Kingdom officially merged into Golden Troops, Their troops have split into multiple armies, and heading their separate ways. This can greatly increase the number of cases of FURRID-19. With this, I plead to all army leaders that have welcomed Animal Kingdom troops into their new home to take the proper precautions, Isolate these
furries troops for however long it takes for them to stop coughing up furballs.
What could be the most interesting part of this is that before this battle, Leila announced she will be joining the Doritos and the reason can be described by The 5th track on the Killers 2nd album, Sam’s Town. Now I plead to the Leaders of the Dorito’s of CP to take extra precautions when dealing with what could be a “master furry”, which is equal to 10 regular furries. A master furry can spread the FURRID-19 virus up to 200 metres in all directions of one. Can everyone please make sure to take extra precautions if entering the Doritos server. Two face masks, Two pairs of protective gloves & Make sure you are not Badboy’s Dunkin manager as you may make him transfer armies (again)
While there are no confirmed cases of the FURRID-19 virus in terms of long term troops. a new troop, known as “Furry123” has caught the attention of me and some fellow CPAL Reporters, With further research, we have actually discovered Furry123 was in fact the man in the Herbert suit I bought a Tayto sandwich. After telling him about my many adventures in the Army Community, Furry123 decided he wanted in and because of his love for Jack Sparrow, he chose to join the Pirates. Furry123 was not suspected of having FURRID-19 regardless of his name, It was too late, Pirates had been infected
I’m going to be honest guys, For a good while I was debating whether to write this section. As an Ice Warriors leader, I knew this could be bad for our legendary reputation… but the reporter in me said the news must come out, I had a thumb war with myself, Left representing the leader in me and the right with the reporting side. After a long, hard-fought 15 hours, I decided it was pointless as I could never win so Maroon told me to just post it before he does. So here I am. My own army has 2 confirmed cases of the FURRID-19 virus. It appears to have been brought in by my fellow leader, Circle Warriors legend, Madhav 2.
After reading through fellow IW unbiased Judge, Fusion’s post (which you can find here), I noticed something odd, Why would Madhav send Army League Head of Board, 32op, Photographs of himself dressed as certain animals in an attempt to steal 32’s heart, like the Alberto Warriors stole Agent 11’s. In the following Photograph, you are about to see explicit images.
Alas, I regret to inform you all that Madhav is not the only Ice Warriors that has contracted, FURRID-19 as it was revealed earlier that Ice Warriors 3rd in command and former RF leader, Otter, has also caught the virus. CPAL reports tell us that Otter was spotted in the CPAL discord server spreading propaganda about furries and even labeling the Ice Warriors… excuse me while I tear up….. “the IW furry gang”. With the Ice Warriors looking to become the new center for FURRID-19, I thought it would be a good idea to Interview Ice Warriors leader and legend, Regan, to catch his opinions on this matter.
CPAL Regan: How did you react to the news that FURRID-19 has landed in the Ice Warriors?
Regan: I was shocked, I was sure that we were following the guidelines to perfection, okay… that’s a lie, during our battle with Animal Kingdom we bombed, and bombed, and bombed, maybe that’s how young Madhav and Otter caught the Virus. I feel awful it especially after all your hard work on setting those Guidelines.
CPAL Regan: Has there been any precautions in the Ice Warriors server taken to reduce the spread of this virus?
IW Regan: Of course. We have made all of our staff members drink plenty of water as it’s confirmed that Furries are afraid of getting wet, We have cleansed the staff chat while placing both Madhav and Otter in isolation until the next round of the Legends Cup.
CPAL Regan: Are you aware of any more cases in the Ice Warriors army?
IW Regan: Not at this moment in time but I do have my suspicions of a few staff members, but that’s all under investigation at the moment.
CPAL Regan: Any final comments?
IW Regan: I’m just thankful I got to spend the last few minutes talking to such a handsome man like you
Overall, a classy Interview from the most handsome Ice Warriors leader, Questions still remain. Who are the staff members Regan suspects? Could this all be apart of Mehakk’s plan? Seriously why did KingFunks4 pick the wrong person to lead Ice Warriors in 2014? We should expect answers soon.
If you are worried about your army in the midst of this new pandemic, or would just like to leave your experiences with FURRID-19, then make sure to comment below! Support agents are always on the lookout for any more FURRID-19 cases!